365 Gay

(San Francisco) A retired Presbyterian minister was found guilty of misconduct Friday by a church court for officiating the weddings of 16 gay couples when same-sex marriage was legal in California. A regional commission of the Presbyterian Church (USA) ruled 4-2 that the Rev. Jane Spahr of San Francisco "persisted in a pattern or practice of disobedience" by performing the weddings in 2008 before Proposition 8 banned the unions in the state. The church's highest court has held that Presbyterian ministers may bless same-sex unions as long as they do "not state, imply, or represent that a same-sex ceremony is a marriage." By willfully challenging that holding, Spahr broke her ordination vows, the commission said in its majority opinion. At the same time, however, the tribunal devoted most of its 2 1/2-page ruling to praising the 68-year-old pastor, a lesbian who founded a church group in the early 1990s for gay Presbyterians. Spahr was acknowledged "for her prophetic ministry" and "faithful compassion. The commissioners called on the broader church to use her example "to re-examine our own fear and ignorance." "In the reality in which we live today, marriage can be between same gender as well as opposite gender persons, and we, as a church, need to be able to respond to this reality as Dr. Jane Spahr has done with faithfulness and compassion," the ruling stated. The six-member commission representing 54 Northern California churches censured Spahr with a rebuke as punishment. Spahr said she was disappointed by the verdict and would appeal to a midlevel church court. "If you agree with me, then say yes," Spahr told The Associated Press. "It's like, 'Janie, we want this to happen and we affirm your ministry and we sustain the charges. The mixed message of that is the thing that people hear. We want the message of the Gospel, which is God's love is for all." The decision followed a three-day trial in which Spahr's lawyers argued that her actions were inspired by Presbyterian teachings on diversity and inclusion. It was the second time the regional Presbytery of the Redwoods convened a court to consider charges against Spahr for sanctioning same-sex relationships. In 2006, a church court composed of different members ruled that she had acted within her rights as an ordained minister when she married two lesbian couples in 2004 and 2005.

Former Memphis Tenn. Police officer Bridges McRae [1], who brutally attacked the late Duanna Johnson [2], was set to undergo a retrial for the excessive force charges in September. After his first trial in April resulted in a hung jury, McRae and his lawyers reached a plea bargain.  Facing 10 years in jail if convicted by a jury, McRae’s guilty plea leaves him with only a two-year sentence. Duanna Johnson Bridges McRae plead guilty to using excessive force against Duanna Johnson, a transgender woman, while booking her into the Shelby County Jail in June 2008 on a prostitution charge.  The incident began when McRae used derogatory comments to refer to Johnson while in police custody. The attack was caught on police surveillance cameras, McRae punched Johnson several times in the head while another officer held her shoulders back. McRae then spayed Johnson with mace when she attempted to defend herself. McRae was fired shortly after the incident.  Months after the brutality, Johnson was shot and killed in Memphis;her murder remains unsolved. [1] http://www.southfloridagaynews.com/news/national-news/306-transgender-bashing-cop.html [2] http://www.pamshouseblend.com/showDiary.do?diaryId=5825

Props for Pennsylvania.  Earlier this week, PennDot and Equity Pennsylvania announced a settlement that makes it easier for people to change their gender on their driver’s license.  The Philadelphia Inquirer [1] reports that, now, Penn. residents can “change the gender on their licenses if they are living full-time in their new gender and it can be verified by a licensed medical or psychological caregiver.” Previously, proof of sexual reassignment surgery was needed to make the gender change.  Pennsylvaina is a large state most of which tends to fall on the conservative side, so this is defiantly a welcome step toward acceptance.  To learn more about small town living in Pennsylvania watch Out in Silence [2]. The blue Power Ranger reveals all.  For most of us who grew up in the 1990s, ‘The Mighty Morphing Power Rangers’ ruled our existence. The Japanese import was a huge franchise in the 90s, and actor David Yost [3] played Billy the Blue Ranger—a favorite among the multi-colored crime fighters—from 1993 to 1996. In a tell-all interview with “No Pink Spandex [4],” Yost revealed that he is gay. Even more shocking and disturbing than a gay man in blue spandex is Yost’s departure from the show: it was caused by homophobia on set.  [5] Yost said, "I was called 'f*ggot' one too many times [by the show's] creators, producers, writers, directors." After spending several years out of the limelight, Yost is again perusing an acting career. Johnny Weir reveals nothing.  26-year-old Olympic figure skater Johnny Weir spoke to ‘New York Magazine [6]’ about his “very specific philosophy about gay, straight, married, sex, partnership.” Weir refuses to speak explicitly about his own sexuality, and keeps us guessing with controversial acts.  He said, “I’m completely self-sufficient. I don’t need anyone for anything. I can have sex with myself, I can love myself, I can do all those things myself. The importance that people place on me not having another half even if it’s just for sex, it’s irrelevant to me. It’s very old-school. When you put people in boxes, you take away a lot of who that person is. How many gay men do we know who are completely straight-acting, who don’t even seem gay but they get classified in the same box as somebody who’s a drag queen? It’s void. It’s not real. I filled out my census form and I wrote down that I was a Pacific Islander because yes, I’m white, but why is that important? Why is anything important? You don’t need to have labels. I would marry a woman. I very well could. People laugh at me, but why is that so funny? I love women. My whole stance is that I just want people to react to who I am, I don’t want people to react to what I am.” [7] His interview cleared up nothing and I loved it.  Stay queer Jonny Weir. Family Research Council attacks Harry Reid.  The Family Research Council has released a television ad that targets Harry Reid [8] for pushing the repeal of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’ Ameriblog’s Joe Sudbay reports his suspicions on FRC’s scare tactics, “My guess is that, given the timing, FRC's ad is not so much about the Senate campaign. It's more about trying to make Reid delay consideration of the Defense Authorization bill, which currently includes the DADT repeal legislation.” [9] Of course the ad fails to consider the thousands of gay and lesbian soldiers who have served in silence because of fear. [1] http://www.philly.com/inquirer/local/20100826_Transgender_rules_on_driver_s_licenses_changed.html [2] http://wpsu.org/outinthesilence [3] http://www.tmz.com/2010/08/26/blue-power-ranger-mighty-morphin-power-rangers-david-yost-gay-harassment-quit/ [4] http://www.cinemablend.com/television/Blue-Power-Ranger-David-Yost-Was-Driven-Off-The-Show-Because-He-s-Gay-26639.html [5] http://www.365gay.com/wp-content/uploads/news-blue-power-ranger-top.jpg [6] http://nymag.com/fashion/10/fall/67510/index1.html [7] http://www.365gay.com/wp-content/uploads/news-johnny-weir.jpg [8] http://gay.americablog.com/2010/08/family-research-council-has-really-bad.html [9] http://www.365gay.com/wp-content/uploads/news-FRC-harry-reid-top.jpg

With the Pentagon’s family survey now in the field, Servicemembers Legal Defense Network (SLDN), a national, legal services and policy organization dedicated to ending "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (DADT), will release a letter each day this week from family members and spouses of former service members impacted by DADT.  As the Pentagon reaches out to 150,000 straight couples on how their lives are impacted, these letters will share the perspective of those forced to serve under this law alongside their loved ones. SLDN is urging supporters of repeal to call, write, and schedule in-district meetings with both their senators as the defense budget, which contains the repeal amendment, moves to the floor just weeks from now. www.sldn.org/action [1]. August 27, 2010   Hon. Jeh C. Johnson General Counsel, U.S. Department of Defense Co-Chair, Comprehensive Review Working Group   General Carter F. Ham Commanding General, U.S. Army Europe Co-Chair, Comprehensive Review Working Group     Dear Mr. Johnson and General Ham:   My name is Angela Trumbauer.  I am an Air Force enlisted veteran.  I was born and raised in a family of 8 children by my father, a retired Air Force officer (deceased 1979), and my widowed mother, a former Air Force officer, who just turned 78 years young this month.  I am married to a retired Air Force Senior Master Sergeant.  My stepson is an active-duty Air Force Technical Sergeant.  My brother is Lt. Col. Victor Fehrenbach, a highly decorated 19-year Air Force officer.  I hail from the “military family” in every sense.   Over Victor’s military career, our family had limited opportunities to see and spend time with him.  He came home to Ohio for visits once or twice a year, usually over the Thanksgiving or Christmas holidays.  I took my kids to visit him at his assigned Air Force Bases a few times over the years.  We prepared and sent him care packages when he was deployed to Iraq.  Vic sent me care packages when I was stationed in Greece years ago, while he was still a high school student.  Reflecting back, I never gave much thought to his short 2-3 day trips home or the seemingly strained nature of the visits.  All that changed in May, 2009, however, when my brother was forced to reach out and seek our family’s support in the most difficult battle of his life – fighting against his discharge under “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.”   The revelations that have come to light and emotions evoked throughout the past year have brought a great sense of loss and heartache to our family, not unlike that experienced in grief and death.  It saddened me deeply to realize that my single, younger brother could never enjoy a close personal relationship, free from fear of persecution or harassment, throughout his near 20-years serving.  His family back home was free to enjoy wonderful family relationships with their spouses and children, but Vic was never to experience that same freedom and privilege while in uniform.  I often wonder how alone or lonely he must have felt all those years, especially when he couldn’t even share his personal struggles with his very own family.    I recently took the opportunity to ask my brother who he would like us to notify in the event of an emergency or upon his death, after I realized he had no one else to confide in.   Most soldiers and airmen have a support system in place, where their spouses or immediate family members are aware of their dying wishes and will share urgent news or handle the appropriate notifications with those closest to their loved one.  In my brother’s case, I just figured the military would let us know if something happened to him and that no one else aside from his family members needed to be notified, since he was single and has no children.   Under “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,” the Fehrenbach family has been robbed of truly knowing and loving our brother for who he is for nearly two decades.  He chose to serve in silence to protect his own family – the only family he can legally call his own – from potential exposure to investigation under DADT.  We can never get those years back.  Nor can we accept the damage to and destruction of our family’s long-standing military history that will result from Lt. Col. Fehrenbach’s discharge under this discriminatory and unjust law.  Our family legacy goes back generations, in which our father, mother, grandfathers, spouses, children, uncles and cousins have all answered the call to serve.   Despite all the suffering that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell has caused my brother and our family, we have reaped a benefit far greater than words can measure.   Since I’ve come to know and understand my brother’s true identity, and because he no longer has to hide any part of himself from me, our relationship has become much closer and deeper, where we laugh and share more than ever before.  Vic can now be completely open and honest with me – an element that was clearly missing in our lives and relationship in the past.  I can’t express the immense pleasure I’ve experienced in getting to know my baby brother  --- “Uncle Baldy” as some of our 17 nieces and nephews call him.    In light of the infinite family gains that the repeal of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” will yield, I sincerely believe that allowing open service is necessary, right, and just in every sense.  Each and every service member deserves the FULL love and support of their family and friends, without fear of persecution, discrimination and harassment.  A strong sense of support and love is essential for our troops at all times.  It only stands to reason that overall military performance is enhanced and the resolve to accomplish the mission is strengthened by complete and unhindered family bonds.     Sincerely,   Angela Trumbauer [1] http://www.sldn.org/action

Q: Here's the deal: While I was on vacation this summer, I met this guy on the beach. That night, we bumped into each other at the local bar, had a couple of drinks, went back to his place and had great sex. Period. End of story. Or so I thought.  As I was leaving, he asked me for my number so that we could "get together again." I thought he understood this was a one-night stand. I just said, "I'll see you when I see you." I felt like I didn¹t handle the situation properly, but did I do anything wrong? A: Not really, no. It just sounds like one or both of you could have been more explicit ahead of time. But it's a tricky situation. Unless you're having sex at a club or in a backroom, it's easy to misunderstand what another person's intentions are. Then, in the throes of passion, it may not feel quite right to say, "I only want to have sex with you and then you've got to go."  But what about saying something direct like this before your clothes are shed: "I need to be asleep in an hour because my roommate will be back from dancing" or even,  "I'm just looking for a quickie tonight." If he's looking for something more than a quick hook-up, he'll know to look elsewhere.  Once the deed is done, it's wise to avoid getting into a lot of post-coital chitchat since that could lead your guest to think you're extending his invitation. Instead, offer him a glass of water, the use of the bathroom, and then start to tidy up.  If he's not taking the hint, you could say after a short while: "Hey, thanks for coming over."  That's definitely a cue that it's time to exit. As for guests, be sure not overstay your welcome and when you leave, be sure to take all your belongings. A non-committal goodbye sounds like, "That was fun," with a parting hug.  And if your guest expresses interest in getting together again (as yours did), be gentle and say: "Sorry, I'm not looking to date right now."  Of course, if you've changed your mind, exchange cell numbers - or invite him to stay for breakfast.  And remember, what happens on the beach, stays on the beach. [How do you make sure you're on the same page before you have a sex hook-up? What problems have you encountered? Let me know in the comments.] Steven Petrow can be found online at www.gaymanners.com [1].  He's the author of "The Essential Guide to Gay Manners & Etiquette"  and blogs regularly on Huffington Post. [1] http://www.gaymanners.com/

(Washington) Glenn Beck's rally on the anniversary and at the site of Martin Luther King Jr.'s famous "I Have a Dream" speech is drawing criticism, protests and questions about his intentions. Beck insists the event Saturday at the Lincoln Memorial is not about politics, even though Beck and former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, a potential 2012 presidential candidate, will attend. But the rally is drawing a strong reaction - and several counter-rallies - as the nation looks toward November's elections. Beck, a popular figure among tea party activists and a polarizing Fox News Channel personality, has said it is merely a coincidence that the event is taking place on the 47th anniversary of King's plea for racial equality. Beck has called President Barack Obama a racist. The event's website says the "Restoring Honor" rally is to pay tribute to America's military personnel and others "who embody our nation's founding principles of integrity, truth and honor." It urges citizens to attend and "help us restore the values that founded this great nation." "This is going to be an iconic event," Beck says. "This is going to be a moment that you'll never be able to paint people as haters, racists, none of it. This is a moment, quite honestly, that I think we reclaim the civil rights movement. It has been so distorted and so turned upside down. It is an abomination." The rally also is to promote the Special Operations Warrior Foundation, which provides scholarships and services to family members of military members. Beck's critics dismissed his claims that the event will not be political. "When we heard about Glenn Beck, it was puzzling," the Rev. Al Sharpton said. "Because if you read Dr. King's speech, it just doesn't gel with what Mr. Beck or Mrs. Palin are representing." Beck has called Obama "a guy who has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture." "I'm not saying he doesn't like white people. I'm saying he has a problem," Beck said. "This guy is, I believe, a racist." Palin has defended radio personality Laura Schlessinger, who announced this month she was ending her "Dr. Laura" program after using a racial epithet repeatedly on the air during a discussion with a caller about racism. Schlessinger later apologized but said her free speech rights were being violated by those urging station affiliates and sponsors to drop her program. "Dr.Laura:don't retreat...reload!" Palin tweeted. She called Dr. Laura "even more powerful & effective w/out the shackles, so watch out Constitutional obstructionists. And b thankful 4 her voice,America!" "The 8-28 rally is supposedly is about 'reclaiming the civil rights movement,' but it is being led by someone whose idea of a racist is the president of the United States," said Jess Levin, a spokesman for the liberal Media Matters for America, an organization that has targeted Beck, Fox News Channel and Schlessinger. "This rally is about one thing and one thing only. And that's promoting Beck's political agenda." Elsewhere in Washington, civil rights activists planned to mark Saturday's anniversary of the landmark 1963 speech with rallies and demonstrations, some ending on the National Mall. One group planned a four-story sculpture in honor of King near the Washington Monument. Others planned to meet at a Washington school. Sharpton's National Action Network plans a "Reclaim the Dream" rally that will feature Education Secretary Arne Duncan, National Urban League president Marc Morial and Martin Luther King III. In an opinion piece for The Washington Post, King said of Beck's event that it's "commendable that this rally will honor the brave men and women of our armed forces who serve our country with phenomenal dedication." But he also said it was clear the organizers were invoking his father's work. "My father championed free speech. He would be the first to say that those participating in Beck's rally have the right to express their views," King wrote Wednesday. "But his dream rejected hateful rhetoric and all forms of bigotry or discrimination, whether directed at race, faith, nationality, sexual orientation or political beliefs." Organizers of Saturday's rally advise attendees not to bring signs, "as they may deter from the peaceful message we are bringing to Washington." Signs at some tea party events have included pictures of Obama embellished with a Hitler-style mustache, racial epithets and threats to Democratic officials. They gave tea party critics grounds to claim the loose organization of activists was motivated by racism against the nation's first black president. "Dr. King never had to ask anyone to leave their signs and guns at home," said Benjamin Todd Jealous, president of the NAACP. "To say to your followers, don't bring your signs - it's like saying don't open your mouth." In the 47 years since King's speech, it has become a staple of civil rights history. "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character," he said on Aug. 28, 1963. On Wednesday, Beck again sought to play down comparisons to the slain civil rights leader. "I know that people are going to hammer because they're going to say, 'It's no Martin Luther King speech,'" Beck told his radio listeners on Wednesday. "Of course it's not Martin Luther King. You think I'm Martin Luther King?" Civil rights leaders, too, hoped Beck wouldn't exploit the King legacy at the spot. But the imagery - a packed lawn listening to a speaker standing in the shadow of Lincoln - was certain to draw comparisons. "I hope that's not what he's trying to do. I hope that this is a coincidence," Jealous said. "But more than anything, I hope that he, having chosen this day and this locations, pushes himself to really honor the unifying legacy of Dr. King."

 In some circles, Ken Mehlman’s coming out as gay [1]this week was about as shocking as Rosie O’Donnell’s coming out in 2002, or Ricky Martin’s coming out earlier this year. Others were quite surprised. Still others asked, “Who’s Ken Mehlman?” Answer: Ken Mehlman is, according to the Atlantic piece that broke the story [2], “the most powerful Republican in history to identify as gay.” He’s the former chair of the Republican National Committee, and he was George W. Bush’s campaign manager in 2004. Which means that Mehlman, 43, has spent a good chunk of his adult life contributing to a party and to campaigns that engaged in explicit gay-baiting. Recall that during the November 2004 presidential election, anti-gay marriage amendments passed in 11 states—part of Karl Rove’s strategy to draw out conservative evangelical voters.  Does Mehlman regret his role in all that?  Sort of, it seems. The Atlantic piece claims that Mehlman tried to scale back the marriage-equality attacks in “private discussions” with senior Republicans, and that he acknowledges that his coming out sooner might have mitigated some of his party’s homophobia.  But the quotations from Mehlman suggest that he doesn’t fully grasp his complicity. From the Atlantic piece:  "What I do regret, and think a lot about, is that one of the things I talked a lot about in politics was how I tried to expand the party into neighborhoods where the message wasn't always heard. I didn't do this in the gay community at all."  He said that he "really wished" he had come to terms with his sexual orientation earlier, "so I could have worked against [the Federal Marriage Amendment]" and "reached out to the gay community in the way I reached out to African Americans."  Here, Mehlman sounds at least as concerned (or more) about his failure to educate gays about Republican values as he does about his failure to educate Republicans (including himself) about gays.  In the interview, Mehlman also claims that former President Bush is “no homophobe,” which is true if by homophobe you mean someone viscerally uncomfortable with gay people. I lived in Austin when Bush was Texas Governor, and I knew people who knew him well. Gays were part of the Bushes’ social circle for years.  But homophobia doesn’t always come with open disgust, any more than racism always comes with hoods and pitchforks. Publicly, Bush, Rove, and Mehlman treated homosexuality as at best unspeakable, and at worst a threat to family and civilization. In doing so, they perpetuated the notion that gayness is a dirty little secret, something shameful and unholy.  Such homophobia is far more insidious—its damage far more pervasive—than any “God Hates Fags” rally. As someone who has experienced the closet firsthand, Mehlman ought now to understand that.  The reason that LGBT people are angry at Mehlman is that he was a key player in an organization that fostered and exploited such homophobia. The Republican party’s gay-baiting in 2004 didn’t just lead to a wave of discriminatory amendments: it also drove countless LGBT youth into the shaming closet that Mehlman is now gratefully escaping.  That’s what I want to see front and center on his regret list.  Which doesn’t mean I’m going to join the pile-on of those who say that there’s absolutely nothing that Mehlman could ever do to redeem himself. Quite the contrary.  Mehlman can’t change his past; no one can.  But if we want people to make better choices in the future, we hardly encourage their reform by telling them that they’re beyond redemption—as various bloggers have suggested regarding Mehlman.  Mehlman could easily have spent his life, as do many closeted Republicans (and Democrats, and Independents), covertly seeking romance with people who either don’t know or don’t care about his past. He has plenty of money; he could have afforded a nice closet.  By coming out in The Atlantic he has rejected that path. Good for him.  Instead, he wants to devote his energy to the fight for marriage rights. He has become actively involved in the American Foundation for Equal Rights, which is working to overturn California’s Prop. 8. His professional history puts him in a unique position to reach out to Republicans and others traditionally opposed to marriage equality.  If he continues these efforts—if he uses his strategic know-how to win political battles for equality, if he goes behind “enemy lines” to fight the homophobia that his party so deftly exploited, if he works to dismantle the crippling shame of the closet—then he should be congratulated, not shunned.  It won’t erase his past. But it’s a start at a much better future. I wish him well. John Corvino, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, and philosophy professor at Wayne State University in Detroit. His column “The Gay Moralist” appears Fridays at 365gay.com.  To learn more about John or see clips from his DVD, visit www.johncorvino.com. [1] http://www.365gay.com/news/former-rnc-chair-ken-mehlman-is-coming-out/ [2] http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2010/08/bush-campaign-chief-and-former-rnc-chair-ken-mehlman-im-gay/62065/

Members of the Pentagon's Comprehensive Review Working Group on Don't Ask, Don't Tell will meet with lesbian and gay military partners on Sept. 16, said Servicemember's United [1]. The meeting will be the first time Pentagon staff are meeting with gay military partners about Don't Ask. "We are honored to be able to facilitate this meeting between the partners of active duty lesbian and gay troops and the leadership and staff of the Comprehensive Review Working Group," said Alexander Nicholson, executive director of Servicemembers United. "The plight of military partners is something that Servicemembers United has led the way on with our Campaign for Military Partners, and we have been pushing for partner input into the review process for quite some time. We are glad that the Pentagon recognizes the value of input from these silent heroes."  The meeting is part of Servicemembers United's  Military Partners Forum in Washington, DC in conjunction with its fall "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Lobby Day. The Pentagon is currently surveying 150,000 military spouses as part of a study looking at the consequences of repealing Don't Ask. The survey, of course, isn't going to gay partners of servicemembers - but it's been leaked [2]and is now online. For more on The Campaign for Military Partners, see www.MilitaryPartners.org [3]. [1] http://www.365gay.comwww.ServicemembersUnited.org [2] http://www.politico.com/static/PPM170_100820_survey.html [3] http://www.MilitaryPartners.org

With the Pentagon’s family survey now in the field, Servicemembers Legal Defense Network (SLDN), a national, legal services and policy organization dedicated to ending "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (DADT), will release a letter each day this week from family members and spouses of former service members impacted by DADT.  As the Pentagon reaches out to 150,000 straight couples on how their lives are impacted, these letters will share the perspective of those forced to serve under this law alongside their loved ones. SLDN is urging supporters of repeal to call, write, and schedule in-district meetings with both their senators as the defense budget, which contains the repeal amendment, moves to the floor just weeks from now. www.sldn.org/action [1]. Jose J. Rocha, father of Former Petty Officer Third Class Joseph Rocha, USN August 26, 2010   Hon. Jeh C. Johnson General Counsel, U.S. Department of Defense Co-Chair, Comprehensive Review Working Group   General Carter F. Ham Commanding General, U.S. Army Europe Co-Chair, Comprehensive Review Working Group     Dear Mr. Johnson and General Ham:   I am a heavy machinery truck driver; I have been all of my life.  A blue collar American who raised my son, Joseph Rocha, in a Roman Catholic home with strong Spanish values, after his mother lost custody for drug abuse. Throughout school Joseph turned out to be an awarded scholar, athlete and leader.  I did my best to provide a good home for him.  But, I wasn’t prepared for my only boy to turn out gay.   Early on in his senior year, at 17, he left the house on one condition: that he never return.   I learned through my wife that he was excelling quickly in the military.  He was promoted twice in his first year and was hand-picked for explosive detection school.  We had no idea that during his 28 months in the Middle East, he was being abused by his superiors because he wouldn’t tell them if he was gay or not.  He only ever called home to tell my wife he loved working with the dogs and about his aspirations of becoming an officer.   He sent gifts to his kid siblings for every single holiday and called them religiously.  He was a hero to my girls.  I struggled through our silence knowing that I was missing out on my son.  As it sank in that Joseph might be injured or killed in the service, it became clear how irrelevant who he wants to love is.  On a phone call home to congratulate me for my birthday, I told my son for the first time that I was truly proud of him and asked him to live his life for himself, not for me or anyone else.   After receiving a Naval Marine Corp Achievement Medal for his service overseas and being accepted to Naval Academy Preparatory School to go on to the United States Naval Academy and earn a commission, Joseph was discharged under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”   Recently, just after his mother’s death, I asked him what he would be doing this year when he becomes the first in our family to graduate from college.  I was surprised when he said that he wants to serve again.  I asked him why he would go back after all they did to him.  I asked him if he was prepared to go back to the Middle East.  He replied that he was never meant to be done serving.   Joseph contributed to my family and to the families of each of his co-workers: loyalty, respect and service.  My son had always lead by example and in coming out he has taught his siblings pride and his favorite value, integrity.   I am proud of my son and it makes me sick now to read the Navy documents detailing the abuse he stomached in order to try and save his career.  He is a brave young man and a patriot.  I know now first hand that the old ways are not always right and I ask that you encourage your superiors to end “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”  Please allow my son, Joseph C. Rocha, and countless like him, to resume their military careers.     Sincerely,   Jose J. Rocha [1] http://www.sldn.org/action

Atlanta police are investigating whether the murder of the organizer of the city's Black Gay Pride celebration [1]was shot because he was gay. "The Atlanta Police Department is exploring all possibilities with regards to the homicide of  Durand Robinson," Atlanta Police Department spokesman Carlos Campos told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Robinson, 50, owned a popular gay club [2]and was found dead in the middle of a street in southwest Atlanta early Wednesday. He was shot in the chest. In The Life Atlanta [3] is organizing a candlelight vigil for Sept. 1. Atlanta's Black Gay Pride celebration is scheduled for Sept. 1- Sept. 6 [1] http://www.ajc.com/news/atlanta/police-investigating-motive-for-598970.html [2] http://traxxatlanta.com/ [3] http://www.inthelifeatl.com/

[1] [2] Jonathan Hopkins shared a story last night that in a fair world would make any "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" supporter ashamed. The former Army captain (he was honorably discharged last week after a DADT investigation) talked about a gay servicemember whose partner was killed in combat. The surviving partner couldn't talk to anyone in his unit because the law of the land forces gay soldiers to hide. The unnamed soldier turned to support from an Australia officer---gay soldiers serve openly in that country. Imagine that. An American soldier couldn't trust anyone in his unit or chain of command. Hopkins, West Point graduate, class of 2001, shared a panel with Katherine Miller [3], who now attends Yale. Miller was a junior at the Academy, ranked ninth in her class, but left because living up to the Army's values is impossible "as long as the policy remains in place.” The pair were sponsored by Knights Out [4], and told their respective stories to a 150 plus crowd at the LGBT Community Center of New York City. The talk was a culmination of a packed media day. The New York Times [5] had a front page story on Miller and the gay subculture that exists at West Point. Miller, who plans to serve the military in some capacity in the future, knew about her sexuality before she entered the Academy. However, she assumed service would not run afoul with the policy. Hopkins "debated" with himself about his personal life.  When he had the gay epiphany, there was way too much emotional energy trying not to reveal himself to peers, superiors, or subordinates. Despite all of this,  both spoke in glowing terms of service, the organization that hounded them out,  and  commitment to others. They are also rather lukewarm to how the Obama Administration is trying to dismantle DADT, but that should surprise  no one. If these two are not fit to wear the country's uniform, no one is. [1] http://www.365gay.com/wp-content/uploads/Hopkins-top.jpg [2] http://www.365gay.com/wp-content/uploads/Miller-top.jpg [3] http://www.365gay.com/news/west-point-cadet-resigns-because-of-dadt/ [4] http://www.knightsout.org/ [5] http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/25/nyregion/25cadet.html?_r=1&src=tptw&pagewanted=all

(Minneapolis) Richard Mahan and Anita Hill are both Lutheran pastors who were inside a Minneapolis convention hall last summer when delegates for the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America voted to allow non-celibate gay and lesbian pastors. Afterward, each cried for different reasons. Mahan, lead pastor at St. Timothy in Charleston, W.Va., said he cried because he realized he would likely leave the denomination in which he had invested 42 years of ministry. For Hill, the openly gay lead pastor at St. Paul-Reformation in St. Paul, they were tears of "joy and relief." A year later, the ELCA is moving gay pastors into its fold - it's now the largest Protestant denomination in the U.S. to allow noncelibate gays into its ranks - even as the most visible dissidents strike out on their own. Mahan and other critics of the decision plan to gather this week in Columbus, Ohio, for another Lutheran convention. Leaders of 18 former ELCA churches are expected to vote Friday to create a brand new Lutheran denomination that they claim will follow the Scriptures more faithfully: the North American Lutheran Church. "The issue is departure from the word of God," Mahan said. His church has already voted twice to end its longtime identity as a ELCA church, also ending an annual $36,000 in tithing to the denomination. Meanwhile, Hill will finally join the official roster of ELCA pastors. She was ordained in 2001, but she had been kept off the roster because she lived openly with her lesbian partner, with whom she'd shared a commitment ceremony in 1996. That meant she was not eligible for the full housing allowance and retirement benefits and could not be a voting delegate to churchwide assemblies. Next month, Hill and two other lesbian pastors will gather to receive the ELCA's newly designed Rite of Reception and officially join the roster of the St. Paul Synod. The St. Paul bishop will "lay on hands," Hill said, in a ceremony that is becoming more frequent around the country. Seven gay and transgender pastors were received last month in San Francisco. Similar ceremonies are planned soon in Minneapolis and Chicago. "At my church there is a sense of great celebration, of people being very happy that our work to make the ELCA a more inclusive place has come to fruition," Hill said. Her denomination will be slightly smaller: As of early August, 199 congregations had cleared the hurdles to leave the ELCA for good, while another 136 awaited the second vote needed to make it official. In all there are 10,239 ELCA churches with about 4.5 million members, making it still by far the largest Lutheran denomination in the U.S. And the breakaway members gathering in Ohio will face their own challenges if they vote to start another denomination at a time when attendance at mainline Protestant churches is falling and denominational distinctions appear irrelevant to a growing number of churchgoers. But pastors in a few churches that plan to join the North American Lutheran Church say there are still good reasons to be part of a larger church body. "For a lot of congregations and a lot of churchgoers, there is value in a larger Lutheran fellowship," said the Rev. Mark Braaten, pastor at Our Savior's Lutheran Church in Tyler, Texas, another charter member of the new denomination. About 75 percent of the churches that already left the ELCA have affiliated with Lutheran Congregations in Mission for Christ - another, smaller denomination. But the Rev. Mark Chavez, Lutheran CORE's director, said some Lutherans found that denomination too loosely structured and wanted a choice that retained aspects of the ELCA identity. Some ELCA refugees have a more bottom-line reason to join a new denomination. Under many church constitutions, congregations that leave the ELCA and try to strike out as a wholly independent church could actually see their ELCA synod council assert legal ownership of their property and church buildings. "People don't see it as too likely, but it's not a discussion too many want to have," Braaten said. So why go through the hassles - especially when even critics of the ELCA's more liberalized policy admit that no congregations are likely to be compelled to install a gay pastor? "I don't think it's the issue of whether someone is going to have a gay pastor forced upon their church, as much a question of what a straight pastor is going to be teaching," said the Rev. David Baer, pastor of Immanuel Lutheran Church in Whitewood, S.D., another charter member of the new denomination. "What's God's intention for marriage, for sexuality? The concern is the ELCA is trading in its teaching and losing its grounding in scripture and no longer having a moral center." Organizers of the new denomination will reveal on Friday its 18 charter churches - a number they hope will grow to 200 or more within a year. Earlier this month, the ELCA reported a nearly 3 percent drop in total receipts for its congregations from 2008 to 2009, and a decline in membership of 90,850 people. Three times since April 2009, the ELCA's council cut the denomination's budget by a total of $17.5 million and eliminated the equivalent of nearly 76 full-time jobs. ELCA spokesman John Brooks said departures over the new clergy policy played a part in the picture but that the bad economy has also been a major factor in the denomination's financial struggles. Hill, who in her early days at the church helped found a ministry for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, said she was disheartened by the departing churches. "There are some who feel they must leave the ELCA over that," she said. "I feel sad about that, it's unfortunate. But to feel you have to leave over the inclusion of your brothers and sisters - that diminishes who we are as the body of Christ."

 I was going to write a broad piece this week on whether marriage equality was the “wrong fight,” but Tuesday’s development in Wyoming has assumed priority. As reported on this site and elsewhere, a gay couple in that state has brought suit in federal district court [1]challenging the state law that limits marriage to opposite-sex couples. So it seems a bit abstract, at the moment, to be wondering about whether this is the right fight when it’s actually the battle being waged – again and again, in state after state. And the case has already given rise to a number of questions by 365gay readers, so I’ll try to answer them here.   The complaint in this case was filed pro se, meaning that the parties are representing themselves. Although information about the case (including the complaint itself) is hard to find, your intrepid columnist did finally track down this exclusive interview  [2]with one of the plaintiffs, David Shupe-Roderick. Although other sources have suggested that the plaintiffs couldn’t afford an attorney, Shupe-Roderick states that he and his (all-but-legal) spouse Ryan W. Dupree did seek out private attorneys who were “unable to help” them. So they’re going it alone.   The complaint itself, whatever its defects from the standpoint of legal drafting, is simple and compelling: By denying the couple the right to marry, Wyoming has acted in contravention of the guarantees of equality and due process found in the U.S. Constitution. Of course, if the judge follows the full-trial route that Judge Walker took in the Prop 8 case, Shupe-Roderick and Dupree will be at a substantial disadvantage. But the judge, Alan B. Johnson (a Reagan appointee) might simply decide the case on pure legal grounds. In that case, the playing field would be much more level, as the judge can read the cases and decide based on precedent and his own sense of what the constitution requires. Or perhaps a local lawyer or advocacy group will now sign on to help these guys.   Like the Prop 8 case, this one stands solely on the federal constitution, not on Wyoming’s own state constitutional guarantee of equality. Because it’s in federal court, federal law needs to be invoked in order for the court to have jurisdiction. Federal courts can sometimes hear state law claims – it’s too complicated to explain here, but there are procedural doctrines that let federal courts decide state law claims if related to the federal ones – but this complaint doesn’t raise them. (In contrast, claims brought in state court can allege state or federal constitutional violations, or both; most of the marriage challenges have rested their claims purely on state constitutions, thereby insulating the cases from Supreme Court review.)   These federal cases are quickly turning into a procedural thicket. There’s the DOMA challenge in Massachusetts [3], the Prop 8 litigation in California [4], and now this. Each of these is in a different federal “circuit,” of which there are currently12. Thus, until the Supreme Court weighs in, there’s the potential for a confusing battery of inconsistent decisions, affecting different laws and rights but all related to marriage. Such a situation is ultimately untenable, and the more these cases crop up, the greater will become the pressure on the Supreme Court to weigh in. Meanwhile, we wait for our rights.   What should we make of Shupe-Roderick and Dupree’s decision to file this suit? This isn’t exactly the careful, textbook approach that advocacy groups have followed so far. Without first-rate representation, the odds of success of course go down. There are pitfalls everywhere, and a couple of non-lawyers could trip over any number of procedural obstacles (including standing to sue, depending on the facts).   But we shouldn’t disparage the efforts of these two men. Their frustration at the glacial pace of change, and outrage over the injustice of denying them basic equality, is shared by millions of LGBT people everywhere. It shows up in litigation, in local public health campaigns for information and basic services, in protests, and in so many other ways.   And this approach of filing suit without the blessing of advocacy groups, or even of heavyweights like Boies and Olson, isn’t new – the first wave of challenges to discriminatory marriage laws came back in the early 1970’s. While the best known of these, Baker v. Nelson, led to (weak) Supreme Court precedent against marriage equality – the appeal was dismissed for lack of a “substantial federal question”—all of these efforts can serve a valuable educational purpose, reminding those in the persuadable middle that there are actual people with a compelling need for simple justice. John Culhane is Professor of Law and Director of the Health Law Institute at Widener University School of Law in Wilmington, Del. He blogs about the role of law in everyday life, and about a bunch of other things at: http://wordinedgewise.org [5]. [1] http://www.365gay.com/news/gay-couple-challenges-wyomings-marriage-law/#coms [2] http://www.365gay.com http://lezgetreal.com/2010/08/exclusive-first-interview-wyoming-gay-couple-file-federal-lawsuit/ [3] http://www.365gay.com/news/clock-now-ticking-on-doma-appeals/ [4] http://www.365gay.com/news/calif-gays-must-wait-to-wed-during-prop-8-appeal/ [5] http://wordinedgewise.org/

Students for Marriage.  A survey from UCLA [1] found that 65% of college freshman support gay marriage.  According to Freedom to Marry, these supportive students are being left out of the campaign for marriage equality.  Images that feature older gay and lesbian couples vying for marriage can isolate the younger generation, though these images are heartwarming and compelling.  That’s why Freedom to Marry has launched a campaign targeting students, Students for Marriage [2].  [3] Employing the young whippersnapper ways, a.k.a. Facebook [4], the campaign hopes to engage the younger generation, and their overwhelming support, to join the fight for equality. The Lutheran Church is still intact.  One year ago, the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America [5](ELCA) opened its doors to non-celibate gay members of the clergy.  At the time, members opposed to the inclusion of gay clergy anticipated that about 1,000 congregations would pull out of the church.  [6] Since the vote, only 199 churches have withdrawn—a miniscule 2% of the entire establishment.  Anita Hill [7], a lesbian pastor at St. Paul-Reformation Lutheran Church in St. Paul, has been fighting for inclusion for eight years.  She said, "I feel a sense of loss for those who felt they had to leave because I am welcome…I never thought the inclusion of some required others to depart." Although there are plans for an alternative branch, the North American Lutheran Church, a large majority of the ELCA congregations voted not to secede. This not-so-great schism proves that our culture is changing. Miley Cyrus takes on teen sex, marijuana, and lesbian kissing.  According to Hollwoodlife.com [8], 17-year-old Miley Cyrus [9] is shooting a new movie opposite Demi Moore, entitled ‘LOL: Laughing Out Loud.’  This coming-of-age tale puts Miley in the unruly-daughter role.  The film, which is a remake of a 2008 French film, depicts Miley’s character, Lola, losing her virginity, smoking pot, and kissing girls on the lips!  Given her recent turn to semi-nude pictures, pole dancing, risqué outfits and British lesbian moments, this movie doesn’t seem like much of a stretch.  Let’s hope for her sake that she does not pull a Lindsay Lohan and take a turn for the worse. Rumor: LiLo and Ronson back together.  With Lindsay Lohan [10] having just gotten released from rehab early today, X17 online [11] reports that a source says that LiLo and DJ Samantha Ronson are rekindling their relationship. Ronson, allegedly, had been visiting Lohan at UCLA Medical Center Rehab four or five times a week.  The X17 source said, “Samantha always wanted to ‘fix’ Lindsay.  Now that Lindsay has been legally and emotionally beat down, Sam is back to work trying to help.  Apparently Lindsay never got over Sam and was all for rekindling the relationship.” Earlier this year, Lohan told the British tabloid The Sun [12] that she still has feelings for the lady DJ even after they broke up.  [13] I think that the couple is good for each other, but we’ll see where the next chapter in the LiLo saga takes us. [1] http://www.freedomtomarry.org/blog/entry/college-students-lead-the-way-for-the-freedom-to-marry [2] http://www.freedomtomarry.org/blog/entry/marriage-equality-students-can-lead-the-way [3] http://www.365gay.com/wp-content/uploads/blog-gay-protest-top.jpg [4] http://www.facebook.com/StudentsForMarriage?ref=ts [5] http://www.elca.org/What-We-Believe/Social-Issues.aspx [6] http://www.365gay.com/wp-content/uploads/news-lutheran-church.jpg [7] http://www.startribune.com/101232264.html?page=1&c=y [8] http://www.hollywoodlife.com/2010/08/23/miley-cyrus-lol-script-ashley-greene/ [9] http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/23/miley-cyrus-new-movie-lol_n_691488.html [10] http://www.365gay.com/news/source-lindsay-lohan-released-from-rehab/ [11] http://x17online.com/celebrities/lindsay_lohan/x17_xclusive_samantha_claims_shes_back_together_with_lindsay_source_says-08252010.php [12] http://www.nj.com/entertainment/celebrities/index.ssf/2010/02/lindsay_lohan_samantha_ronson.html [13] http://www.365gay.com/wp-content/uploads/news-Lindsay-Lohan-sam-top.jpg

With the Pentagon’s family survey now in the field, Servicemembers Legal Defense Network (SLDN), a national, legal services and policy organization dedicated to ending "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (DADT), will release a letter each day this week from family members and spouses of former service members impacted by DADT.  As the Pentagon reaches out to 150,000 straight couples on how their lives are impacted, these letters will share the perspective of those forced to serve under this law alongside their loved ones. SLDN is urging supporters of repeal to call, write, and schedule in-district meetings with both their senators as the defense budget, which contains the repeal amendment, moves to the floor just weeks from now. www.sldn.org/action [1]. August 25, 2010   Hon. Jeh C. Johnson General Counsel, U.S. Department of Defense Co-Chair, Comprehensive Review Working Group   General Carter F. Ham Commanding General, U.S. Army Europe Co-Chair, Comprehensive Review Working Group     Dear General Ham and Mr. Johnson:   I am a retired military sailor, living with a wonderful person who was fired because of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT).   Because of my experience with the military, I understand the life, the duty days, the underway time, the training cycles.  Even the simple events of life at sea – how wondrous or disastrous mail call can be, depending on whether or not you get a letter; the whirlwind caused by the simple announcement of liberty call; and the sounds of the Navy - the bells, the whistles, the constant hum and different noises of shipboard living.  These are just some of the various events and sometimes intense evolutions that occur around the universe called the United States Ship.  I’ve been stationed on five of the best ships in the Navy.  I speak the language, I know all the acronyms, and it’s an organization I’ve spent most of my closeted life in.   If my highly decorated and accomplished spouse had been able to stay in the Navy, her professional life would have included all of those same events mentioned previously, and more.  She would have undoubtedly been stationed on board a ship of awesome capabilities.  That ship would deploy, do training missions, visit foreign and domestic ports, and represent the world’s finest Navy.  She would stand watch, hopefully in something better than a port and starboard rotation.  If you don’t know what a port and starboard rotation is, just imagine working at your current job, six hours on, then take six hours off, then go back to work for six hours.  Repeat 24/7 for the next 180 days.   She might even be sent on an Individual Augmentation (IA) to Iraq or Afghanistan while in her current assignment.  During an Individual Augmentation, she would literally be loaned out to cover a critical needs job, however long that may be, in addition to her regularly scheduled deployment cycle.   I, however, would have to adhere to a strict set of rules when dealing with a deployment, whether it be an IA or ship deployment.  Here are just some to think about – they reflect what life is like for military families under DADT:    Set up an alternative e-mail account that wouldn’t show the gender of my name; Establish a very generic, genderless form of communications over e-mail; Never write “I love you” – or nothing that could indicate anything at all about the nature of our relationship;  No access to the Ship’s Ombudsman – a point person for military families for all things very, very important relating to the ship and her crew; Create a plan for dropping her off at ship – making sure our goodbye or welcome is in secret; Never spending the remaining few hours on the ship like with the rest of families before a deployment; Worrying about how close to the pier I could be without raising suspicion; Before leaving home, be sure to say final goodbyes – no hugs and certainly no kisses allowed on or near the base; Not being able to participate in any family video postcards to the ship; Still trying to figure out how to deal with those pesky customs forms required when mailing anything to a “Fleet Post Office” – they require a name, so maybe use her parent’s name or the dog’s name; Don’t put anything too personal in care packages – those might arrive via barge, waterlogged and falling apart – therefore, they might be opened; As a result of the rough handling from a helicopter mail drop, any other boxes I send could be opened if damaged; Don’t get sick, seriously sick, and don’t get hurt while spouse is gone; Hope she doesn’t get hurt as no one would tell me – I can’t be listed as her next of kin in her service record without raising eyebrows; Remember to have her pack her personal cell phone and the charger for use six to nine months later – can’t use any of the ship’s communications, so the cell is the only way to coordinate a pickup upon return home; Knowing that when the other families are waiting at the pier, I wouldn’t be able to stand among them anxiously awaiting my sailor’s return. This isn’t everything.  It’s just a glimpse.     Sincerely,   Chief Petty Officer Lee Quillian, USN (Ret.) [1] http://www.sldn.org/action

UPDATE: The Atlantic [1]piece is up! It says: "Mehlman is the most powerful Republican in history to identify as gay." Mehlman told Marc Ambinder that he only recently came out: Mehlman arrived at this conclusion about his identity fairly recently, he said in an interview. He agreed to answer a reporter's questions, he said, because, now in private life, he wants to become an advocate for gay marriage and anticipated that questions would be asked about his participation in a late-September fundraiser for the American Foundation for Equal Rights (AFER), the group that supported the legal challenge to California's ballot initiative against gay marriage, Proposition 8. .... Mehlman acknowledges that if he had publicly declared his sexuality sooner, he might have played a role in keeping the party from pushing an anti-gay agenda. "It's a legitimate question and one I understand," Mehlman said. "I can't change the fact that I wasn't in this place personally when I was in politics, and I genuinely regret that. It was very hard, personally." He asks of those who doubt his sincerity: "If they can't offer support, at least offer understanding."   "What I do regret, and think a lot about, is that one of the things I talked a lot about in politics was how I tried to expand the party into neighborhoods where the message wasn't always heard. I didn't do this in the gay community at all."   ********************* Mike Rogers reports [2]that Ken Mehlman - former chair of the Republican National Committee, former White House Political Director under George W. Bush (where he helped orchestrate many anti-gay initiatives) - is coming out Friday in The Atlantic. Says Rogers: Ken Mehlman is horridly homophobic and no matter how orchestrated his coming out is, our community should hold him accountable for his past. And also: I want to hear from Ken that he is sorry for being the architect of the 2004 Bush reelection campaign. I want to hear from Ken that he is sorry for his role in developing strategy that resulted in George W. Bush threatening to veto ENDA or any bill containing hate crimes laws. I want to hear from Ken that he is sorry for the pressing of two Federal Marriage Amendments as political tools. I want to hear from Ken that he is sorry for developing the 72-hour strategy, using homophobic churches to become political arms of the GOP before Election Day. And those state marriage amendments. I want to hear him apologize for every one of those, too. From Wikipedia [3]: Comedian Bill Maher referred to Mehlman as a closeted gay man in a November 8, 2006, appearance on CNN's Larry King Live. It became a controversy when CNN edited out Maher’s comments in later taped editions of the appearance and removed the reference to Mehlman's sexuality from the transcript of the show. Faced with prior rumors of his sexuality, Mehlman denied that he was gay in May 2006. “I’m not gay,” Mehlman told the New York Daily News, “but those stories did a number on my dating life for six months.” I'll be curious to see whether Mehlman apologizes, or whether he uses his new openly gay podium to further hurt gay and lesbian civil rights. [1] http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2010/08/bush-campaign-chief-and-former-rnc-chair-ken-mehlman-im-gay/62065/ [2] http://blog.blogactive.com/2010/08/if-i-had-to-say-what-one-thing-really.html [3] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ken_Mehlman

(Kahtmandu) Hundreds of gays, lesbians, transgender people and their supporters danced through the Nepalese capital Wednesday in the country's first international gay parade. The participants dressed in colorful clothes thronged the main streets of Kathmandu, led by Sunil Pant, a member of Nepal's parliament and the nation's most prominent gay activist. Pant's gay rights group organized the parade to campaign for greater rights for sexual minorities in Nepal. "Our message is ending all forms of discrimination,'' Pant told reporters. He said the parade participants were from India, Japan, Britain, Germany, Denmark and Norway, and a police officer at the scene estimated the crowd was around 2,000. Smaller such parades have been held in Nepal in the past. Gay rights have improved dramatically in a country where just five years ago police were beating gays and transgender people in the streets. Now, Nepal is issuing "third gender'' identity cards and appears set to enshrine gay rights - and possibly same-sex marriage -  in the constitution. The new charter, however, has been delayed because of political bickering that has left Nepal with a caretaker prime minister since June. The improvements in gay rights have become a major marketing opportunity in a country where tourism is a main driver of the economy. Government officials hope gay tourists will spend more money than the backpackers who travel on shoestring budgets. Pant's group has established Pink Mountain tour company, which caters to gay tourists and promotes Nepal as a safe destination for them. It offers gay honeymooners trekking trips in the Himalayas and has proposed gay wedding ceremonies [1] at the Mount Everest base camp. [1] http://www.365gay.com/news/nepal-to-legalize-gay-marriage-offer-weddings-on-mt-everest/

(Beverly Hills, Calif.)  A source familiar with Lindsay Lohan's criminal case says the actress has been released from rehab but will not appear at a Wednesday morning court hearing. Lohan formerly dated DJ Samantha Ronson. The source, who is familiar with the case but not authorized to speak publicly due to the sensitivity of her treatment, says Lohan will now enter a rigorous outpatient rehab program. The actress' release on Tuesday came after she spent 23 days of a three month sentence in a rehab program at Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center. She entered that facility early on Aug. 2 after spending 14 days of a three-month sentence in jail for violating her probation in a 2007 drug case. A prosecutor and Lohan's defense attorney will discuss the next steps in the "Mean Girls" star's case at a court hearing Wednesday morning in Beverly Hills.

[1] Even our cousins up north, polite Canada,  have religious kooks. Nine people from the Highfield Road Gospel Hall [2] decided to spread their message in a Toronto neighborhood. Cool. Freedom of religion; however, they chose to evangelize in front of a gay couple's home. The couple's neighbors didn't  like any of this and asked the Christian soldiers to take their missives elsewhere. "Talking with my neighbours, I learned that a lesbian couple left the area because of this group," said  Geoffrey Skelding, a resident of the block. "They do come to the area and knock on doors and tell people they are sinners." The residents confronted the group (check out the woman with the brown crown [3]), and the gospel spreaders called it a day. Although one guy did promise they would return "in the will of God." These people remind me of  dude who preaches on the subway in New York City. His story is simple. He was a crack addict, found Jesus, and now wants to spread God's love.....and take a donation for his work (surprisingly he gets a few bucks). His love of Christ is true and pure, unlike those of his brethren who are saddled with the devil. Of course when he turns to things gay, he foams. He's no fan of gay marriage because it subverts God's will. "God's will." Run for your life when that phrase is uttered. Or find a cool block association. UPDATE: Thanks to reader Will Bowden for pointing out this article TheStar.com [4]. Seems like the couple on the block feels the church folk are being unfairly maligned. “I don’t like how the whole issue is being distorted,” said Blair Chiasson, a civil servant who lives with his partner, Paul Collins. “Nothing happened. Nothing happened.” Chiasson added the parishioners are part of the block, just like him, and have protected rights. All fair. A democratic society, that is vibrant, will have people bumping against each other constantly. And consistently. Part of the bargain we all make to live in a free country. Still I get nervous when people want to inform, minus a prompt, about "God's will." [1] http://www.365gay.com/wp-content/uploads/news-bible-book-top.jpg [2] http://torontoist.com/2010/08/let_us_prey.php [3] http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=876404 [4] http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/article/852019--viral-video-in-leslieville-is-not-what-it-seems?bn=1

Stumped on when to send out your STDs (save-the-date announcements)? Don't know who should be invited to your rehearsal dinner? Get the answers to all your etiquette questions for your gay wedding by submitting your dilemma to etiquette@equallywed.com. Q I’m thinking of taking my partner’s last name after we marry, but some of our friends have been giving me a hard time about this. The gays say I’m trying to conform to a heterosexual world, and the straights say name changing is antiquated. All I want to do is show the world that me and my hubby are a family now, a united front. Where do you stand on this? A As someone who changed her last name after marrying her partner [1], I fully support changing your name to match his, him taking yours, you hyphenating your names or even forming a new last name. It’s entirely up to you. While I can appreciate what your friends are saying, you’re not conforming to a heterosexual or outdated world. You’re merely taking part in society as you see fit for you and your family. The definition of family is certainly changing and couples (and parents) with different last names are everywhere. But that doesn’t mean you have to take part in that. You didn’t mention whether or not your marriage will be legally recognized, but often times, taking your partner’s last name or vice versa helps us to validate our relationship in society’s eyes. One day soon hopefully, you’ll have the rights to go along with your marriage. Kirsten Palladino is the editor in chief of Equally Wed, the nation’s premier same-sex wedding magazine, online at http://www.equallywed.com [2]. Equally Wed offers gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer couples a guide to their weddings, a social community and a marketplace of vetted LGBT-friendly wedding vendors. Follow Equally Wed on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/equallywed [3]. [1] http://equallywed.com/in-bloom/353-taking-your-partners-last-name.html [2] http://www.equallywed.com [3] http://www.twitter.com/equallywed